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Smoke It Out
I rarely share a smoke break. Nowadays, those who share the same room as me often lack the understanding of this art.
This one I am with right now doesn't, either.
Meilin
LCCA
...What are you looking at?
Tch. Meilin. Always giving me a look like they don't know why I'm here.
She isn't exactly one with a big imagination, going far to even scold me for my apparent "barbaric" methods.
Ryōshū
無我夢中 阿鼻叫喚 支離滅裂
D.M.M. You already know.
Meilin
LCCA
Hah...do you ever give those lungs a rest?
...But I stay with them for other reasons, you see.
Ryōshū
無我夢中 阿鼻叫喚 支離滅裂
Got a light?
Meilin
LCCA
Of fucking course.
Our conversations are light ones. We talk and talk about the unimportant things in life. I usually hate small talk. It's not for me. They always lead somewhere that isn't my way. If it's not in my favor, there's no reason to continue.
Meilin
LCCA
You take like four packs a day, and you grow anxious when there isn't a cigarette between those fingers.
Meilin
LCCA
It's like you don't care about your life at all.
Ryōshū
無我夢中 阿鼻叫喚 支離滅裂
Ho? And why would I, when I can come back anytime?
Meilin always scolds me. She's almost lucky she isn't a sinner.
Meilin
LCCA
You waste those chances because nothing matters to you.
Meilin
LCCA
If it's not art, it's less in your eyes. Isn't that a shallow way of seeing things?
...It's really not for me, small talk. I can sense that pain from a mile away. I say she's 'almost' lucky for a reason.
Ryōshū
無我夢中 阿鼻叫喚 支離滅裂
Y.W.
"You're wrong." I tell Meilin, but I don't elaborate. If she can't tell, it's a problem for later. They shrug, because they know I won't go any further.
Meilin
LCCA
I'm just saying. There will be a day where you regret smoking so much.
She looks into the distance. What is she thinking about now? Our conversations, they always end on such bitter notes.
It doesn't take a genius to know she's dwelling on her mortality. Where I, on the other hand...
Ryōshū
無我夢中 阿鼻叫喚 支離滅裂
I didn't choose this.
Meilin
LCCA
I know you didn't.
...I, on the other hand, can remain the greatest artist to ever live.
Ryōshū
無我夢中 阿鼻叫喚 支離滅裂
...Huff. How ridiculous.
She doesn't look back at me. One hand from each of us puts a cigarette in our mouths. We take a drag and smoke blows.
One hand from each of us intertwines through the silence. Her head falls onto my shoulder.
A breath of air has never felt so heavy.